Will You Still Respect Me in the Morning?

Oh, Carrot Cake! I know that I've been charmed by you in the past. The way you sit there, snuggled in your blanket of cream cheese icing, is almost irresistible. I have to admit, you are quite the temptation.


And you've been there for me, Carrot Cake! When I was feeling down you came along a lifted my fragile spirit. When I was lonely you kept me company. When I was stressed you provided some much-needed relaxation. Carrot Cake, I don't know what to say that will explain all you've meant to me! I have to say, though, my dear Carrot Cake, all that is in the past.


You see, I'm moving on. For all your sweet, sweet promises and and confectionery wiles, you were never really good for me. Sure, you're not without redeeming qualities but they're really just whitewash on an outhouse. Carrot Cake? You make yourself sound like a nutritious but tasty treat in a bakery full of eclairs and doughnuts. It's all a lie, isn't it, Carrot Cake? Sure, you contain carrots but in relatively small quantities. Mostly you're all fat and sugar and refined flour and all those other things that have sabotaged me, lo, these many years. That fluffy white blanked you swaddle yourself in is nothing more than a weapon in your arsenal of things that keep me unhealthy.


So, yeah. I guess that's it, Carrot Cake. It's over. We're through. Is there someone else? Well, sort of. For now I'm kind of playing the field. I just spent some time with Watermelon and I have plans with Peach and Pineapple later. You remember them, right? I mean, I always knew they were there but I never really got how great they were. I couldn't see how sweet they were because my relationship with you always clouded my judgment. Oh, and you know Angel Food? I know you two always tried to stay away from each other but I want you to know that Angel Food is pretty terrific, too. It's amazing. They all seem to get me more than you ever did.


Good-bye, Carrot Cake. I'm sure I'll see you around from time to time. Just don't expect me to call. I have better things to do.